学校出外表演的事。。。

整个星期，我几乎都是在烦学校出外表演的事。最令我感到压力的老师，星期四又在给我压力了。她说：为什么还没有想到歌曲和舞步？你知道这个表演有多重要吗？你知道这个表演可以让学校出名吗？你知道校长的吩咐没人可以reject的吗？你知道每当校长中走过来，我都要掉头走吗？你知道我有多怕校长问起我这件事吗？你知道我每次都要敷衍校长吗？你知道我多想光明正大地告诉校长表演的事吗？你明白吗？

老师我想告诉你我明白。我明白它的重要性。但老师只会怪我，有没有了解过我的感受？难道我不想快点完成它吗？但根本没人能帮我，老师又没有帮忙我，只会怪我让她抬不起头来，我没有办法告诉她我的内心世界。

最后，我在星期五的3.30am终于完成了整个形式。我很高兴！在电话里，我告诉她们其中1 part是要四个人solo,但没人想扛起这个责任！我很不高兴的骂到：你们知不知道我有多辛苦？你们只需要篇1个8，我可是要想是整首歌！你们只会说没学过跳舞，不会篇，你们知不知道我也没学过扇子舞，还不是需要篇给你们！我不管！星期一我要看到你们的舞步！

说完后，我后悔了。我在反省自己说过的话。为什么我要骂她们？我是否太过分了？糟糕了，话已经说出去，就不可以再收回来了。可能是我太过压力，才会搞到我情绪失控！对不起啊朋友们，请原谅我吧！我以后不敢了！

sin nee 的生日

前天是sin nee的生日，我和karwen 一起去timesquare 为sin nee 庆祝生日。当我和karwen到那里会合sin nee时，我突然发现原来sin nee化了妆。哈哈，没想到他还特地化妆呢。之后，我请了karwen和sin nee吃雪糕。还是名牌的雪糕呢。花了我RM 16勒。然后，我们到neway唱K，我们全部都唱走音。哈哈，到后来我们全部都乱乱唱了。过后，我们到戏院看戏。我们看3D movie 勒。但我的眼睛不舒服，所以我只好脱下3D 眼睛咯。真可惜啊！！之后，我们去拍大头贴。我们全部都摆些古灵精怪的动作。但全部照片里，我一张都没在中间。haiz.... 当完成了计划后，已是5:30 pm了，所以我们便搭车回去。最不想走的人生是sin nee 因为她不舍得karwen。我觉得啦。哈哈。真觉得自己是电灯泡！！！ 最后，karwen 终于把sin nee送回家了。我希望可以在跟朋友度过生日！

我很无助.....!!!!

今天是星期二，也是我重新上学的日子。我很期待因为我很想念朋友们。一大早，li how打给我，我并不知道打给我的原因，所以我接了他的电话。当我一接，原来他想向jian wern证明电话号码是我的。因为我千方百计想避开老大jian wern，没想到，li how出卖我，把我的号码给了他。他是学会的人，为什么没有灌输到学会的精神？？？他竟然还是gym boy.... 我很伤心，我干嘛那么单纯，我干嘛那么相信别人。我开始害怕上课。

到了学校，老大到处跟人家说今天早上我的糊涂事。我非常伤心，也很生气。为什么出卖我。当然，我在学校一直让人欺负。当放学了，他们又欺负我。我已经是受够了。他们从学校欺负到我回家。我还以为只要进了guardhouse,他们就欺负不了我，因为进去需要锁匙。但在他们的党里有一位也是住在这里的，所以他们轻而易举就进来了。我在问自己，我哪里得罪他们了？？？我到底着错了什么？？？我突然好想哭，不知为什么。可能是我的忍耐到了极限吧。

我绕了很远的路才回到家。我突然发现原来我家的公寓是那么的大。当他们不再欺负我，掉头而去，我却忍不住坐在角落哭了起来。也有一部分的原因是因为老师给的压力。因为出校表演的日期就快到了，但我到现在还没有想到任何的舞步和歌曲。老师说，如果再没有想到任何的东西，校长将会对华人感到失望，那我会丢了华人的脸，也会丢了form 1 的脸。我不停的问自己，为什么？为什么？难道我那么讨人厌吗？？为什么？？？？hu.... hu...

我好害怕上课。我好害怕哦。但没有人能救得了我。。

sunday...!!!! ( before the performance days )

today i wake up at 8:30 am like tat la because i need go to bk for tomoro performance... im very happy because we first time performs at field and first time sleep in bk....!!!! startly, we got play a game call "cat catch mouse" and just practise until 1:15 pm like tat la because we will eat our lunch... after eating, we go to bk's field practise... tat time im feel very hot and tired and wan to drink water! because i forget bring my water to field... haiz... when we full run, shin nee's bearers suddenly drop at my head..!!!! oh no!!! i feel so painful..!!! hu... hu... ah bee jie jie ask me is ok?? can continue?? if cannot u come here and rest... i know we have no more time can practise already, so i say is ok... nothing else... ( but my heart say : i wan to rest!!!!! ).... then we have a game call suprise... hew sin nee join our group..!!!! omg... again same group with her...!!!! so we play many things... all also need to play water... haiz...after the game we go to bath and eat our dinner... yeah!!! we eat fried rice!!! i like it...!!! haha... then we continue the suprise, but now not playing, is hear sook yee jie jie share her experience and see some picture... then we sleep luu... we sleep early because we need to wake up at 4 am!!!! haiz...

im sick...!!!!

haiz.... when we all finish the performance and go back to bk, i start not feeling well... i think is when we play the suprise ( got play water la...) , then didnt rest very good so i sick..!!! aiyo... ah bee jie jie say if not feeling well must tell her... but now i still didnt tell her i sick already... if tomoro still like this, i must tell already lo... aiyo... i hope i can recover tomoro because i scared H1N1...!!!!!

我很后悔啊....!!!!!!

这个星期二, 我和家人去阿姨的新店吃东西... 全部cousin都有来, 我们玩到很high... 疯狂唱歌和跳舞.... 全部人都一直拿起红酒来喝... 一直干杯... 连最小的表妹都喝，所以我也跟着喝.... 没想到，越喝越上瘾.... 连喝了三杯以上，一直干杯, 我也醉了..... 一直唱歌.... 回到家后，我发现自己全身都热.... 我不管三七二十一就去睡觉了.....
没想到，第二天早上起来，发现我全身都是红肿，发痒... 还生了痘痘.... 呜... 呜.... 真后悔... 早知道我就不喝了..... 到现在还是肿肿的，不过好多了..... haiz... 我以后再也不喝了....!!!!!

ting, im very very sad.. u know that???

today... i tell ting, me and hui didnt go to school tomoro because i will go to bk for practise... then ting say if u all didnt go, then i don wan go to skul too... but jean say she will go to school, then call ting must go to school because nobody go with her... ting say jean very sad so she will go too... then im very very angry... i ask: why u always hear the things that jean say??? why when jean wan u do this u do, wan u do that u do... WHY??? WHY...???? i know that jean and me is very important in ting heart... but i donno why she will like tat.. when wat i say, she didnt hear and don listen.. but wat jean say, she hear... i ask her u really jean really important??? she say yes.. because in tis school just jean say english with me... i saddenly wan to cry... i dono why... but i didnt let ting know im crying... because i wan to learn more english is for her..!!! i know ting and jean very good in english, they always talk in english... so i always talk some english to ting... but also like tat... WHY??? WHY?? i ask myself again and again... but i still don have the answer... i can choose wan go to practise or go to school.... now i dono wan go to practise or go to school... im very LUAN...!!!

yeah..!!!! im not stress anymore...!!!!!

today is wednesday... is the chinese dance performs day... so im so scared... because im first time be a chlorograft and chlorograft the whole dance..... so today is a important day in my life... me, hui, jean go to ting house for the last practise... we say 7:20 must reach school then 7:3o will reach ting house... but today im wake up at 7:10...!!! i walk to school must 15 minutes i just have 5 minutes to prepare everything... this is imposible! so i give hui scold... haha... i think i will be the last one reach school, but not! because jean late also!!!! we wait jean until 8am then we just reach ting house... ting scold we all VERY VERY LATE....!!!!! we start the practise, jean got some steps not really remember... but nothing la.. because she still know the steps... 10:30, we go to school for ready the performance... we change the cloth and practise again... jean so scared she will forget the steps... when we wan to go out and performs, jean say she wan to quit out this dance... then i say where is your courage??? come on.. we wan to go out and performs already... (omg.. why can i say the things like sin nee???) then we all go out and dance... when we start, the radio is suddenly stop! so we must performs again... then when we performs again, nothing happen already... im very happy.. but ting's fans is suddenly broken..!!!! so i teach her how to use a broken fans also can perform... then jean very scared so she forget many steps.. i tell her if u forget don scared, look at me.. then take some courage... so the dance is end... all the ordiants clap their hand, suddenly i feel im win!!! haha... so happy... i feel no more stress already... october still got a dance we need to performs... but im not the chlorograft already... yeah...!!! im not stress anymore...!!! i no need worry le... i can practise i'm alive already... YEAH!!!!!

my heart feel so painful....

tis friday i need 2 teach the dance too because the dance is coming.... ting & hui is ok already because they got come to my house learn the dance before... but im very very worry bout jean & visalini because they still haven remember it... jean always say ok de.. ok de la... and visalini like don like tis dance because she always ponteng the practise...!!!! teacher say i can kick off her in tis dance because im a leader..!!!! i use a long time 2 think bout her.. i really need 2 kick off her??? i scare she sad... i scare she cry... in tat time, i donno wat teacher teachering bout... haiz... but finally i decide kick off her in tis dance... i call ting and hui help me say to visalini.... when they say to visalini, im so suprise! because visalini so happy!!! she don like tis dance... she like solo herself... i feel tat have a knife attacking my heart... suddenly my heart feel so painful.. because i donno she don like tis dance... she don like the dance i chlograft.....
after recess, jing vei come to tell me a new news... she say we have to dance again...!!!! huh??? dance again??? then she say : teacher say KBU college invite our school go to performs a tradisional chinese dance.. teacher say we will dance at october... me and U..!!! wan juen will do the chlograft... ok??? then bye bye... wat???? i don wan be a chlograft again... i feel very sad and tired already.... why teacher suddenly say i still wan to be a chlo graft again???? I DON WAN....!!!! i just give visalini hurt.. now give teacher hurt again.... OMG....!!!! i haven reply teacher bout i wan 2 do anot... i still thinking... but i think i don wan be la... i don wan let ppl hurt me again.... i need to protect myself now....

im very very sad....!!!!!!

i think today is a bad luck day... when i go 2 school, me and ting quarrel in the school.... i donno why la.. suddenly angry... haizzz... then i give jean scold because i forget bring the disc come to school because we need the song to dance.... after she scold, i need 2 teach my frens the steps 4 the dance... but they not really remember so when we rehersal, we gave fitria (the whole drama leader) scold... say we all not serius.. just play play only... but we all VERY SERIUS...!!!!then after the rehersal, i know ting's fans is broke... so we go 2 find teacher tell teacher... but teacher scold me because im a leader but didnt protect the fans... ting also gave teacher scold because the fans was she broke... (still got many bad luck things but its too long so i didnt write out).... now the dance got many many problems i have 2 settle.... but i don know how 2 settle it..... im so sad because today always give ppl scold me.... I DON WAN...!!!!!!!! I HATE TODAY....!!!!!!!!

Thank You ah ting !!!!

thank you ah ting...!!! u are my best frens is SMK Bandar Utama...!!!! if u didnt study in tis school, i think i will very sad... because shen hui & jean always talk together... they got many secret can share... and me and ah ting is always walk, eat, talk, play, laugh together... she got help me something in the dance... when i unhappy, she always is a good listener (sin nee also la)... i really happy and i need 2 say thank you to u... THANK YOU !!!!!!

im so stress...!!!!

tis month im so stress...!!! because i need 2 chlograft a chinese dance... today teacher say we will dance at 12 august.. not 14 august...!!! and he say we must finish everything next week de monday... but i still haven finish yet.... my frens still haven learn yet... how about me can finish all things in tis week? omg.... haiz.... then in twirles, jie jie suddenly say we got a performance at 16 august.... we just got at lease 3 practise only... how can i do every thing on a week...??? i don have a frens can share my things... so i just can write in blog... im so stress.. who can help me..??? OMG.....!!!!!

they buli me again..

today is monday.. is the first day in a week.. so im happy because i can see my frens le.... but when i go in moral class, the chinese school gangster will buli me!!! because im late 2 school!!!! so they laugh me lo.... i hate them because they buli me again..!!! im very sad... i say many time already but they don listen 2 me... they wan 2 know my handphone number so they buli me everyday lo... i hate u all..!!! because im very very sad!!!!! i scared go 2 school everyday........